Things I'm Not Allowed To Do
by RainbowCubes87
Summary: Title pretty much explains it all. Humor. Not set in any particular season.


DISCLAIMER: If you see this post on a thread called 'Things I'm no longer allowed to do in Atlantis' under the name NicQuickenden1987 that's because I wrote it. NicQuickenden1987 is me.

This list fic was inspired by that thread so I'm going to credit 'eva rosen16' with the initial idea, and then ZedPM04, justacoolguy36, nebedren, TalkyMcSaysAlot ZedPM, a professor, Bush Is Bad, Capt-Dunsil, natwhiley, LadyVoldy333 and Dachunde for inspiring this.

Also sorry if this has already been done before. I'm not entirely sure. I know there's similar. Like memos from and to personnel and notes on fridges.

**THINGS I'M NO LONGER ALLOWED TO DO IN ATLANTIS**

**I am no longer allowed to access the computer systems screensaver  
***I thought the Chinese writing from the matrix would look cool  
*how did i know that it had a virus in - I can't read Chinese

**I am no longer allowed to call Hermiod 'Hemorrhoid'**  
*I didn't think Hermiod knew what they were  
*By the way Ronon can't spell and I honestly thought that's what he said when he asked how to spell it for his mission report. Thanks for blaming me Ronon.

**I am not allowed near doctor Kavanagh even though everyone agrees that he should wash his hair.  
***Pink bubblebath is not a good substitute for shampoo  
*Dr Kavanagh does not look good in pink

**I am not allowed to use the east pier as a base for building a 50ft mechanical spider.**  
*Even if i call it art  
*I'm not allowed to build any 50ft animals or insects  
*this includes a blue whale - even if it's modelled on the same scale as a real blue whale

**I am not allowed to call the 'whales' THEM. By request from Dr McKay**  
*he also doesn't think 'The Others' or 'Spirits' are good names  
*he also asked me to stop referring to them as floppyphallus

**I'm not allowed to call McKay 'David' 'Kellum' 'Emmett' or 'Worth'.**  
*Even though he looks like 'David Kellum' from Scanners 2, or 'Emmett' from Boa vs. Python or 'David Worth' from Cube.  
*Even though everyone else also thinks he looks like them

**I'm not allowed to see McKay's snake  
***he won't let me  
*even if i ask really nicely

**I'm not allowed to watch Cube, Boa vs. Python or Scanners 2  
***or quote them  
*use any names from them or the cast  
*talk to anyone with the same name  
*or play clips or sounds from the movies when McKay is around

**I am not allowed to bring back the 40ft prehistoric snake**  
*it's bigger than the one in Anaconda  
*it can eat a whole elephant - but not one with tusks  
*I'm not allowed to bring back a mammoth just to see if the snake can eat it  
*it can swim  
*it can wind itself round the gate four times and still have tail left  
*it can break through a reinforced steel door  
*it can also break out of the holding cells  
*I'm not allowed to call it Betty (Boa vs. Python reference)  
*my snake is on death row

**I'm not allowed to bring my kids to Atlantis when i can't find babysitters  
***The gate room is not a playroom  
*the gate is strong enough to hold up 5 boys under 10 in Spiderman/Superman/Batman costumes  
*the mess hall is not an obstacle course

**Ronon cannot hold 5 little boys under 10**  
*Ronon does not like being covered in orange acrylic paint  
*acrylic paint does not come out of leather  
*acrylic paint does not come out of anything  
*acrylic paint does not like washing machines  
*Ronon does not like orange  
*Ronon does not like being tied up  
*Ronon no longer likes children, but Rodney does

**I'm not allowed to call Jennifer second best  
***or Carson's replacement

**I'm not allowed to scream 'I want Carson' at Jennifer when she tries to treat me.**  
*I'm not allowed to cry it either

**I'm not allowed to ask Lorne for a piggy back **  
*even if he says yes

**I'm no longer allowed to call McKay 'Whaleman'**  
*he doesn't like whales  
*and he doesn't like the name Ishmael, Captain Ahab or Herman Melville

I don't have any children by the way. But I have a lot of little cousins and I'm the eldest of 5.

Any suggestions for the second chapter?

Please review

RainbowCubes87


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